Pre-marital Sex, Abstinence and Marriage

Sex before marriage is a global controversial issue among the young and singles. This is one great challenge that is consistently and rapidly destroying the moral and emotional domain of most singles. Its impact is much felt among the teens.

I am an assistant coordinator of a Youth Organization and we engage in a workshop every second Sunday of each month on any issue affecting singles.

I must confess that the question that recalls often is that of sex before marriage.

The ABC News poll of 13- to 17-year-olds, conducted in summer 2004, provides some answers on the sexual behaviour of teenagers. While most of these reports are reassuring, others are cause for alarm.

Young people spend more time in petting, kissing, fondling of bodies, which usually get them into trouble than in any viable activity.

It is becoming culturally acceptable to see girls who have one or two kids out of wedlock while they drop out of school with no future for the kids.

Most girls live with permanent body damage as an effect of pre-marital sex. Many people live and would live the rest of their lives with guilt, regret and shame which time and change of location have refused to heal because they engage in few minutes of illicit pleasure.

The regret of giving in to premarital sex with a boy or girl which has left a scar on them-inability to conceive and have babies, living with sexually transmitted diseases, night mares of the past sexual acts,.

There are several excuses which are given by the singles for engaging in sexual relationships.

Sex proves your love for me

Most single girls have been sexually and emotionally abused by men because they believe sex is the only way of certifying ones love for the opposite sex.

However, they found out later after the one night stand that romantic love is what these folks have for them and not real love.

The Punch, Tuesday, January 16, 2007, reported of a survey of 1,300 girls who were asked if they would agree to sex when asked by a boyfriend, only six gave a definite “no”. The typical answer, “as long as he loves me, it’s ok”, the Newspaper said.

About 200 respondents of both sexes said they would have a one-night stand if the opportunity arose, it added.

Most young people believe that caressing, fondling, hugging and kissing, are the ingredients of love and a proof for love. The truth is that once you engage in such immoral acts with a person of the opposite sex, it changes your focus on the spirit and character of the person. Your attention is drawn to your bodies and its parts.

If I don’t have sex with him, I’ll lose him

A young girl once wrote “I have a boy I’m dating for some time now. The problem is that he has started pushing me to have sex with him. I am from a Christian home and believe that sex is for marriage. I want to keep myself for the man that would marry me but I don’t want to lose this my boyfriend”.

Several girls found themselves in this situation. They have constantly given in to sex against their conscience and spiritual wellbeing, because they want to keep a boy or man in their lives.

Premarital sex does not help any girl keep any man but helps you lose him. Because sex is powerful, being a divine element, it must be handled with utmost control and care but when such sexual restraint is set aside, it easily consumes both the individual and the relationship.

Low Self-esteem and Quest to be loved

Most boys and girls have a low opinion of themselves. They see themselves as being ugly, too short, too fat, unintelligent, lonely and undesired by the opposite sex. This self-opinion of low esteem cultivates the feeling of inferiority.

Your self-image depends largely on how much respect and value you place on yourself, which in turn determines how much value and respect people would place on you.

Eager George once said “the feeling and belief of worthlessness make young people desperate for acceptance and approval of their peers”.

Our girls often have poor self-image or low sense of self-worth. Ah, how I wish I am as beautiful as that girl! How I wish I am as tall and intelligent as this girl! A girl who thinks this way might say yes to any boy who comes her way as she craves for approval and acceptance to boost her worth.

Distorted Education on Sex and Sexuality

One good reason for the growth of pre-marital sex among singles is wrong information and education received about human sexuality, sex and sexual relationships.

This is usually from friends, peer groups, school mates, parents et cetera.

Rape Crisis Center reported that our generation lives with distorted sexual education where two out of three boys and 49% of the girls believe it is acceptable for a man to force sex on a woman if they have been dating for six months or more.

The Child's sexual development and opinion about sex and love would be distorted in a family where exposure to pornographic materials and deviant sexual life is tolerated.

In a generation where the concept of love has been perverted and purity seen as a virtue for the old, our parents have a lot to do as regards the training of the young people on the issue of human sexuality and relationships with the opposite sex.

Most adults learnt about sex on their own but most young people who wanted to do same ended up being perverts, sexual disease carriers, school drop-outs and unwed mothers.

I believe that parents should teach their sons and daughters about right sexual conduct, self-restraint and discipline of the mind and character. It would help them abstain from sexual sins and its dangers especially during the adolescent period when the urge to experiment about the physical and emotional changes that take place in them.

Inability to Keep Pledge on Virginity

Virginity was a thing of pride to people who had it and regarded as a glory to abstain from sex till marriage.

Today, sex has become a commodity that is trade by barter freely given and easily received because morality has sunken to the deepest of depths.

This trend explains why the cases of cohabitation, separation, divorce, broken homes and hearts, are rampant in our generation.

Most young people pledge to retain their virginity or abstain from sexual relationship until marriage as God commands.

After few months or years of puberty, such pledge is broken by over 60% of young people. This could be caused by strained parental relationship, sexual abuse by step father or brother, peer pressure, lack of self control, sexual inquisitiveness, rape, et cetera.

On the other hand, the society admits that sex is performed only when a man lies with a woman. This concept has given a new definition of abstinence and virginity.

Our young people engage actively in oral sex, masturbation, cyber sex, caressing, kissing, and feel that such is not part of sexual activities. They believe that anything that is not sexual intercourse is not sex and has no effect whatsoever on virginity.

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